life is one big complication.

I don't blame anyone for what's going on at the moment. Despite what you guys think, i take full responsibility for putting myself in the position i am in.

Sam, I know you're affected by it and thats why i had to talk to you. I did and i honestly thought everything would be okay after that. i told you that nothing was going on with us at the moment and that if anything would ever happen in the future, it'll be with your consent, blessing and when it doesn't affect you at all. You said that me being friends with her isn't a problem, so it shouldn't affect you right? I swear i had you at the back of my mind the whole time. I felt bad for not telling you that i was going to meet her because i didn't want you to get affected. Obviously what i did was wrong. You have to understand that i do need her in my life as she was there for me and i found comfort in her company. I know i should have kept my feelings for her inside, and i honestly didn't mean to fall for her and 'betray' you, but i did and feelings are somthing i'm unable to control. I'm sorry for that. You may think i've been a really bad and bastard friend, probably not in the right mind, but if I was, wouldn't i have made a move on her when i found out about my feelings? Knowing that you're going to hurt badly. If you must know, when i told her how i felt, i told her to forget what i had said because i knew that things between us were bound to be complicated, as i had a friendship with you to keep. I still consider you a good friend and hence, I can't in anyway bastard you. I'm not going to. So i hope you can rest easier now knowing this. I'm not willing to lose our friendship, even if it means me giving up and moving on.

Mal, I know that things between up has heated to quite a point. I want to let you know that coming back in my life has really prompted me to think if things could be like it was before. I wouldn't say i'm totally over you but i don't think things could ever be the way they were before. I miss those times but i'm not ready to relieve the past few months. I didn't mean to call you a bitch and honeslty, i don't think you're one. I just didn't understand and expressing myself in that way helped. Thanks for finally opening up to me and i'm sorry it had to be under such aggresive circumstances. At least now i understand. Thanks because i think i honestly treasure my friends more now, even though you don't think so and my actions don't really show it. I didn't mean to fall for your bestfriend and hurt you. If i knew the feelings you had earlier, i would have prevented them from being hurt. I seriously thought you didn't care. I guess what we need now is time apart from each other. I do hope that once this is over and after some time, we could be friends again. You probably hate me to a point that agreeing with my hope seems ridiculous. I'm sincerely sorry for whatever pain i've caused you and i know you're strong enough to get through this. I do wish things between us could have been under different circumstances and decisions. But i guess its too late. I'm sorry. I hope we can start a new in the future, keep the happy memories and throw the unhappy ones. If thats possible, i'd do anything to make it happen. For now, just take care of yourself and i wish you all the best for your future!